What's All This Discordian Stuff About, Anyway?

I am constantly asked, as every Discordian has been since the dawn of time, to describe, define, or otherwise pin down this phenomenon called Discordianism. Everyone comes up with her/his own particular answer; I usually fall back on, "It's that little piece of lint that dangles right where your eyes don't go," or "It's just like a rotten purple fig, only completely different." Sometimes I even tell them it's a rare breed of fnord, but only when I'm in a particularly good mood.

The fact of the matter is, none of these definitions is right. The fact of the matter is, all of these definitions are right.

Believe it or not, I'm not being typically facetious. When you get down to it, a Discordian, generally speaking, is just someone who's fed up with the Way Things Are and and deals with it by resorting to weirdness. Even this isn't an entirely accurate description; there are Discordians out there who are perfectly happy with the status quo, and just enjoy acting silly every now and then. And not even the most diehard devotee is capable of weirdness every hour of the day, especially when we're trying to make a living.**

Also, there's the fact that being weird and silly and chaotic all the time is counterproductive. As written in the Principia, "To choose order over disorder, or disorder over order, is to accept a trip composed of both the creative and the destructive." In other words, too much health food will kill you eventually. You may have noted that these pages are designed (I hope) with some modicum of logic and reason; there are many "true Discordians" out there who make their web pages as bizarre and unnavigable as possible, in an effort to demonstrate their true state of weirdness. (And, to quote Episkopos Ol' Sam, "that's good too!") My goal with these pages wasn't to weird people out with stupid Netscape tricks; those are there 'cause I can get away with them, since these are my personal pages. But more importantly, I want this information to be available without too much effort.

Most people who run around acting bizarre and performing strange rites in the name of Eris Discordia have completely lost sight of the original purpose of the blatant, public wierdness: Operation Mindfuck, an effort to jump-start the mehums' pineal glands into activity en masse. For the most part, it's the average Discordian that needs a good confusing every now and then. . (Who mindfucks the mindfuckers? Who's watching my Watchman?) But just try jaking one, say; you'll see him or her react just as robotically as your favorite congressperson. I can say this with authority, 'cause that's exactly how I reacted when my friends decided to bend me over and fuck me up the mind. It was quite a learning experience, and they have my eternal gratitude. (Which is not to say I've forgiven them...)

Anyway, I'm pretty sure there was a point to all this ranting, but I can't for the life of me figure out how to get to it. I'll save it for future updates; meanwhile, lest you think I may have gone completely soft, I shall now commit a sacrilege...

Above is the famous Really Big Button That Doesn't Do Anything, copied directly from its own page. This button is considered a sacred relic by many Discordians and other WWW enthusiasts. One of the great mysteries of this holy artifact is that, when represented somewhere other than its regular home, the button does something...

**When one acquaintence of mine discovered I worked for the state's Department of Education, he naturally was amazed at what an easy venue I had for sowing seeds of strife. I pondered for a moment, and pointed out that, as devoted as I am to the cause of chaos, having this job meant food on my table. You don't jihad where you eat. [Back]